Being a mom is hard, no matter how you slice it. It is even harder when you don’t feel well. A story about cloth diapers and postpartum depression is an oddly difficult tale to tell, but, alas…it is my personal story. It is a tale I wish had been different, but can only accept and find solace in sharing with others. My transition to motherhood was a very rocky one. I’m fairly certain that it is not perfectly easy for any mom, although that illusion is often in place around us. It is a charade that led me to feel inferior since I did not gracefully become a mom. At all. I tripped, stumbled, and barely treaded water for over a year. My son and I struggled to connect, my husband had to take care of both of us, and my life was challenged in ways I never imagined.
I feel very compelled to share this right now. I’m not sure why. Throughout my emotional and physical recovery from my first (and only, thus far) childbirth, I came across many wonderful networks of support. I often came across stories of women sharing their “I’m Strong Because…” statements, mostly through the wonderful Birth Without Fear page. My mind raced with thoughts of mine at times, although I didn’t dare write them down while I was in the midst of it all. I wasn’t ready. As these thoughts repeatedly entered my mind however…what choice did I have? Perhaps if you are struggling with anything in your life, you may benefit from this exercise as well. But now I’m ready. Boy, am I ever…I apologize in advance for the length, and wonder if anybody will really read this anyway… I am STRONG and LUCKY because I found my perfect partner
I hope everyone’s year is off to a smashing start! Here at the Evans household, we’ve packed a lot of activity into 2014’s mere week. Very proud of us. Big Daddy Orange celebrated his 29th birthday. It was the twelfth birthday of his since he’s been “mine”. It was the second birthday of his since we’ve been Tangerine’s. Words. Cannot. Express. So I’m not even going to try right now… Anyway, now that we’re a week in I should probably resume my NYE post about my intentions for 2014. You can find Part One here if you missed it! I prefer using the word “intention” instead of “resolution” because I’m not “resolving” to do anything. The definition of resolving is “settle or find a solution to” or “decide firmly on a course of action”. That is too definitive to me. I am only intending to do my best at pursuing certain changes that
As the young’uns, childless, and empty-nesters on my Facebook chime in 2014 at fun locations, Big Daddy Orange and I just put Tangerine down to bed at home. I can’t think of any place I’d rather be. It is Tangerine’s second New Year’s Eve. Check out what a difference a year makes! Can you believe 2013 shrank his suit?! 😉 The difference is not just in physical size of course. Man, last year I was not in a good place. Last year at this time, Tangerine was a little over two months old and I was STILL recovering from the C-section I never wanted and the infection that made it all oh so worse. While my postpartum depression was in full swing almost all year, I am thankful that I did have MOMENTS of clarity – and one of those was last NYE. My husband and I have both agreed